Now accepting deposits. Not yet accepting workloads.

The AI Cloud Built Different.
Mostly Because It Isn't Built.

Frank and Joey's Cloud delivers hyperscale-class GPU infrastructure for the next generation of AI, as soon as our distributor calls back. We're two guys, a truck, and a Google Sheet. We are the neocloud.

Reserve Capacity We Don't Have See The Tech Stack*

*Tech stack is a figure of speech.

GPUs online right now

GPUs allocated by NVIDIA (we asked nicely)

99.9%

Uptime¹ ¹of the hours the power bill is paid

Estimated delivery (year TBD)

Trusted by

Frank's MomJoey's Fantasy LeagueA Guy Named DavePending LOIPending LOIPending LOI

The Platform

Purpose-built for AI. Repurposed from a garage.

Every layer of our stack was designed from first principles, which is to say we asked ChatGPT what a cloud needs and then bought what Micro Center had.

🖥️

Bare Metal

Our racks are literally bare. No servers in them yet. That's how committed we are to bare metal.

🔌

High-Performance Networking

InfiniBand is on backorder. In the meantime: Cat5e, a Linksys, and a lot of optimism. RDMA stands for "Really Don't Mention it, Alright?"

❄️

Advanced Liquid Cooling

It rained in the garage once. We've since added a box fan and a 2.0 roadmap item called "Close the Door."

☸️

Kubernetes-Native

We have heard of Kubernetes. Joey watched a video. Our orchestration layer is currently Frank yelling "is it on?"

📈

Full Observability

Frank looks at the blinking lights every few hours. If they stop blinking, we have observed something.

🔐

Enterprise Security

SOC 2 Type II in progress. Joey's cousin is a notary, which we're told is basically the same thing. Garage has a padlock.

💾

Petabyte-Scale Storage

Several external hard drives in a shoebox labeled "CLOUD." Hot, warm, and cold tiers depend on where the shoebox is sitting.

🤖

Managed Inference

Send us your prompt. Frank will think about it and get back to you. Latency SLA: "a couple days."

🧾

Transparent Billing

You will see every charge, because Joey texts you a photo of the invoice. Accepted payment methods: Venmo, Zelle, cash in an envelope.

Our Full Tech Stack

Carefully curated. Nothing was chosen. It was all just here.

Dell PowerEdge R720 (2014, eBay)RTX 3060 ×2 (one is Joey's)Linksys WRT54GGoogle Sheets (prod)Google Sheets (staging)VenmoA Honda RidgelineFrank50ft extension cordHope

Pricing

Simple, predictable pricing. We predict you won't be charged, because nothing ships.

All instances are billed per hour of availability, which keeps costs extremely low.

H100 Instance

$—/hr

Call us. Actually, don't. Joey will call you. He's been meaning to.

8× H100 SXM (on paper)
3.2 Tb/s InfiniBand (aspirational)
Physical existence
Firm delivery date

Join Waitlist

GB200 NVL72

$∞/hr

We have confirmed with a guy that these are real. That's as far as we've gotten.

72 Blackwell GPUs (allegedly)
Liquid cooled (see: rain)
Allocation
Power (garage is 15A)

Reserve Nothing

Frank Tier

$40/hr

Our only GA product. Frank comes to your office and says "the cloud" a lot.

Frank
Travel within 20 miles
Unlimited "circling back"
GPUs

Book Frank

Reserved capacity available. We reserve the right to not have capacity.

System Status

All systems operational.*

*"Systems" defined narrowly.

Website

You are looking at it. Biggest win of the quarter.

Operational

GPU Compute

Blocked on allocation. Joey has sent a follow-up email.

Does Not Exist

Networking

Router rebooted. Please allow 3 to 5 business days.

Degraded

Sales Pipeline

Joey said he'd call that guy back.

Investigating

Power & Cooling

Garage door open. Running one space heater below capacity.

Partial Outage

Series A

Currently funded by Frank's HELOC and a very understanding spouse.

Major Outage

Vibes

Strong. Unjustified, but strong.

Operational

Roadmap

A clear path to the future.

Updated whenever something slips, so it is always current.

Q1Secure GPU allocation. Email distributor. Email again. Attend a webinar.
Q2Secure GPU allocation. Frank calls his buddy who "knows someone." Buddy does not know someone.
Q3Rebrand as "AI Infrastructure Consultancy." Same garage, new LinkedIn headline. Launch a podcast.
Q4Strategic pivot. Explore synergies with Joey's brother-in-law's crypto mining rig. Begin "orderly wind-down." Keep the domain.
SomedayAcquired. By someone who just wants the power contract we don't have.

Leadership

World-class team. Both of them.

Combined decades of experience in adjacent industries.

👨‍🔧

Frank

CEO · CTO · CFO · Forklift Certified

Frank once built a gaming PC and has not stopped talking about it. Handles infrastructure, finance, and reaching the top shelf. Believes "hyperscaler" is a type of ladder.

🧢

Joey

Chief Revenue Officer · Head of Sales · Owns the Truck

Joey brings a proven track record of almost closing deals. Manages the pipeline (a napkin) and investor relations (Frank's mom). Is "circling back" right now.

🐕

Biscuit

Chief Security Officer

Physical security, perimeter monitoring, and intrusion detection for the garage. Has never been breached. Can be bribed with cheese.

Testimonials

Don't take our word for it.

You really shouldn't.

"I asked for 512 H100s and they sent Frank. He was very nice. He ate lunch with us and left."— Head of Infrastructure, a startup that has since moved on

"They're good boys. They work very hard out there. I bring them sandwiches."— Frank's Mom, Lead Investor

"Joey said he'd call me back."— Dave, Prospective Customer, 14 months ago

Get Started

Join the waitlist.

You'll be number 4,812 in line, behind a hedge fund, three stealth startups, and someone's nephew. We'll reach out when we have GPUs, so basically think of this as a pen pal arrangement.

By submitting, you agree that "allocation" is a journey, not a destination.

The AI Cloud Built Different.Mostly Because It Isn't Built.